Discovering the Rabbit Hole

In the movie ALICE, the heroine falls down a rabbit hole to escape an arranged marriage.  She can't say no to the man seeking her hand because saying no would disappoint her family and the society she lives in.  But she can't marry him either.  Using the always popular passive-agressive tactic of avoidance, she follows a rabbit, falls down a hole, and so begins her adventure of discovery.  Most
of what happens on any adventure feels like bad luck and worse circumstances.  Woe is me. And Alice feels all of that.and more.

Much later, she discovers the real reason she is in Wonderland.  Alice is there to find her muchness.  After many passionate protestations that she is not the true Alice, she finds out that she is.  She can slay monsters with the best them and be the heroine of her own life.  She does this by reconnecting with her true self and that self is ever fearless and ready for the next adventure.  Reality doesn't stand a chance against her belief in herself.  

Like Alice, I'm in search of my muchness.  I'm looking to connect to the child I left behind.  The one who wore her passion on her sleeve, believed in happy endings, and in the highest good for one and all.  Somewhere along the way amid grown up problems and naysayers drowning out the voice of my dreams and my own lack of faith in the impossible, I lost my muchness.  Now, I'm looking to reclaim all that was once mine.  Time doesn't matter in Wonderland, and thank the Universe for that, for I certainly have taken my own good time in organizing a search for my true self.  My muchness.

But knowing my own history, I realized immediately that I needed some help.  Heroic journeys are seldom successful when traveling alone.  So, for the first time, I am using a Life Couch that promises to be its own adventure and using this blog to document my ups and my downs as I journey through Wonderland.  I avoided such counselling professionals in the past thinking that I had all the wisdom to deal with any blocks in the road myself.  It's humbling to discover that there are some fences that are too high to climb.  Besides, her e-mail inviting me to join her group and individual counseling seemed fortuitous.  Destined even.  And success wasn't beating down my door using my current practices.  Practices that had every reason to believe they had a home for life in my life. 

So I jumped or fell in, I can make a case for either story.  But once I did, my Life Coach showed her persistence.  She refused to let me off the hook, and I'm pretty good at unhooking.  So, I answered the call, and put all my dreams for a finished novel and healthier life into the Life Coach's basket.  

Initially, I regretted that decision.  After her first phone call, a little voice nagged at my deepest fears, "This is not you.  This will never be you.  This definitely won't work."   Can't argue with that, I thought.  My history leaves little doubt that the tools proposed to reconfigure my future
are solidly opposite everything I know and love about me.  I don't do schedules or weekly evaluations of my bad habits or celebrate my successes.   

Still, with the support of my Coach and a strong dose of commitment, it might work.  So here I am on the precipice of a change.  I'm Alice searching Wonderland for answers that I think I already know, but hoping I don't.  The Coach is heavy handed on encouragement and assignments that are designed to overome past creative failures and personal disappointments.  So, I embrace change.  It has never shown any true affection for me in the past, but I'm putting out the welcome sign and looking for a different outcome.  Can my muchness be far behind?

Deborah in Wonderland, the First Post

Yvonne is setting up this blog. Deborah will be back to take it over. And change everything. And then Yvonne will fix it.